Resolutions for the Phobic.

I, Heather Horrell, never ever make resolutions. I tend to disdain traditions that I don’t get and I admit freely that I hold an unnecessary grudge against New Year’s. Not once in my adult life have I celebrated NYE.  I have never gotten the chance to dress up in my sequined and sparkly dress (that I apparently own in my imagination), go to a hoppin’ joint, or whatever else happens to ring in the New Year.  Hell, I think I might have seen the Times Square ball drop via the television from my rural,  countryside home as a young teen, but never in real life.

While I don’t regret the six little reasons none of those celebratory jaunts happened for me, I can’t help but harbor a smidgen of curiosity.  I figured if I can’t do the whole shebang, then I certainly wouldn’t encumber myself with commitments that I ordinarily wouldn’t really like anyway and that which I would abandon without abandon by the second week of the New Year.

Except now, these past few months, I have noticed, as Erikson’s Psychosocial theory predicts, (albeit supposedly I have another ten years) that I am longing for some personal growth and a desire to become more active in the community.  Granted, I went through intimacy vs isolation a little earlier than most folks, am firmly done having children, and have completed school, so…

A few commitments don’t seem so bad after all, especially if they help me to become a better mother, partner, citizen, and all-around person.  I figure I can start small with things I want to do anyhow and I can track this last (hopefully) year in this godforsaken place with positive increments of measurement rather than my overall misery at having to live here. I can prepare myself intellectually, socially, physically, and mentally for when the time comes to be a more active citizen all the while presently improving my mothering and so forth.

Without further ado:

1.) Read more.  This is easy. I love reading but have slacked in recent years.  I got a Kindle Fire for Christmas, and voila, I have already completed one fluffy, but wildly entertaining book. Now, I have already started my second, the anthology of Sherlock Holmes.  I’m hooked.

2.) Don’t back down. Inspired by Tom Petty, and my paralyzing inability to “stand my ground” at times, I have decided that when I don’t want to do something, or when I feel sad, or whatever it is, I will speak my truth.  If I say “No”, I won’t relinquish without good reason.  I won’t be a doormat.

3.) Walk.  When we lived in Okinawa, we walked everywhere.  Sometimes, we walked up to 15 miles a day.  Some people hear this and automatically think it was merely out of necessity and that it is cruel.  Well, we were super healthy.  I had more energy. The kids were well-behaved.  And it just felt good.

4.) Call representatives.  I admit, I shouldn’t have waited until the situation was so dire. I should have been proactive and not reactive.  Seeing as how virtually every freedom I hold valuable as a woman, an atheist, and a parent is under attack, I vow to call, write, and share with others why and how to protect our rights by speaking with our representatives.  The situation is so much more crucial for my friends with disabilities, my friends of color, my LGBTQIA friends, my friends who are immigrants.  Part of standing my ground is to affect change where I can.

5.) Be playful.  I have sunken into some serious anxiety.  While I can’t just turn that off, I can be reforming my perspective at times and also be modeling healthy coping techniques for my kids.  I want to just be present and just play with them more.  So, I resolve to be more playful.

I may falter, but at least I have put this out there!

Did you make any resolutions? Share in the comments.

Rebozo Carry

The rebozo carry is one of my very favorite ways to wrap and hold my newborns. It’s easy once you get the hang of it, fast, versatile, and doesn’t have to be reknotted!

I had no idea what a rebozo was ten years ago. When I first started carrying my babies, I started with the ubiquitous and simple Baby Bjorn. It’s a sort of buckle carrier that you can find and use easily. I loved it! I loved the bright salmon and flamingo herringbone and I loved keeping my babies close.

This blog is in a series that will include video tutorials to help you enjoy wearing your babies in a woven wrap. Sometimes wrapping comes with a huge learning curve, but it doesn’t need to discourage you! Rebozo Carry is great for newborns and quick “uppies”.

In this video, I am using a size two Oscha Starry Night Nebula.  Remember to always keep baby’s chin and nose up, keep close enough to kiss, and check breathing routinely.

Feel free to ask questions in the comments. Happy wearing!

Rebozo Carry

Raising a Reader

You want your child to be a good reader. You’ve already started thinking about his curling up on the couch (right next to or practically under you, as children often do) reading what was one of your favorites as a kid.

Wait a minute there, mom or dad.  Your little one is still in diapers. It’s crazy to be thinking about her literacy now…or is it?  NOT AT ALL! There are ways that beginning in pregnancy (Yes, when you still have a uterine inhabitant) you can help ensure a good reader.

It starts with a love of literature and all the related disciplines, such as art and music and pretend play.  How can you begin now? Well firstly, don’t fret! Start with being an avid reader yourself and forgoing any high-brow snobbery 😉

Play music, read to your baby, and be animated in your interactions. Your goal is to share your excitement and appreciation for the world of fantasy that books offer.  Kids, even babies, observe our every action.  Be a positive role model.  You don’t have to read classics if that’s not your thing!  Read for enjoyment.

Starting in pregnancy and infancy, kids enjoy rhyming and over-the-top sounds.  The rhythmic nature of a constant favorite, Dr. Seuss, grabs attention.  Other similar titles, like the Llama Llama series have the same effect.  They begin discerning sounds.  As they grow, kids connect these sounds to letters and words.

Talk to your babies and kids-use a variety of words. Sing songs to them. Provide toys, such as blocks, that “build” representational understanding. It may seem unrelated, but part of raising a reader is helping children understand that letters are symbols. Blocks and pretend play are the foundation to thinking symbolically.

Encourage sensory play with magnetic letters, foam letter blocks, and play-doh.  Describe what you are doing, sing the ABC’s, and make the sounds of the letters.  Provide a literacy rich environment by labeling everything, having a writing center, and a reading corner.  Even for pre-readers, having an accessible space for word discovery is important.

Take your children to story-times and the library.  Get them books for their stockings and Easter baskets.  You are the Santa Claus of books year-round!

There are so many great pieces of literature out there-start finding your favorites now to share and let your child’s love of reading flourish from infancy to adulthood.

The Value of Messy Play

Have you ever wondered what your kids are doing when it’s all too silent? You just know that it can’t be good, whatever it is. For parents, silence may be golden, but more often than not, it’s pandemonium waiting to ensue.

You walk around the corner to see that they’ve gotten into your lipstick, or they have your favorite wrench. Maybe they got their play-doh. Or maybe they really are playing quietly with their favorite toy or reading their favorite book.

Now, in your immediate distress, especially if you recently scraped crayon off walls, or if you were about to walk out the door, you classify the lipstick, wrench, and play-doh as misbehavior. I mean, after all, they know better and damn, you really are sick of cleaning up messes.

But let me offer a different perspective. The lipstick, the wrench, and the play-doh are all modes of play. Most likely, your child is not intending to misbehave or even make a mess. Children, especially toddlers and children younger than seven, have a hard time with impulse control. Their little eyes see your lipstick and they automatically want to pretend to be you. She sees the wrench and she sees the firehouse you built. He sees play-doh and he sees possibilities. At the moment they see their new toy, they have a need for fulfilling their creative energy. Their imagination is so vivid while they tackle writing and acting on a new story that they literally forget they are supposed to ask permission.

In this moment of discovery, their brain is lighting up, creating new neural pathways, and framing the world around them.  Pretend play is a child’s way of creating understanding and constructing their own views and learning. It provides them space to explore different sensory opportunities (who doesn’t love the way play-doh feels???).  Most importantly, their sense of wonder is cemented.

“I just want to look like the Joker!”

Now, in a modern world, how do we reconcile letting our kids explore while also creating boundaries for our stuff/space and for the sake of cleanliness?

• Let your child/baby lead in play
• don’t overthink how to play-pretend, create, move. Just being with you stimulates them and ensures no messes!
• create a space in your house that you don’t mind gets a little messy. Equip it with surfaces easy to clean. You can do this permanently or temporarily with wax paper.
• purchase clearance makeup for the kids who can’t stop doing makeovers.
• label his/her toys and reiterate “this lipstick is _____/yours”. It’ll take some time, but eventually they’ll get it.
• shop different websites for high-quality toys & more.
• make some toys together out of old paper towel rolls, boxes, etc.
• identify your children’s needs and preferences. Join local groups for further play. For instance, my third child gets into everything. I eventually realized she feels satisfied by sensory play, hence the cups of water, playing in mud, coloring on walls…so we put her in a weekly art and science class.
• Have a chart visible so you can keep track of how often messy play takes place and have your child mark the days with a sticker.
• be clear about what is permitted and what is not. It’s always great if “no’s” can be kept to a minimum, but sometimes circumstances don’t allow for any messes, and that’s OK! Have clear and consistent consequences.

We are still learning here at the HH-we’ve got some messy kids, but if you have questions, post in comments!

Christmas Eve Traditions (WITH activity and recipe!)

The Horrell House loves the Christmas season just as much as you do! We love celebrating every year and we look forward to the spontaneity and fun it brings, but we also look forward to our favorite traditions.

Christmas Eve is particularly special to us, and as such, we have created some pretty spectacular traditions in our family. They are especially meaningful given that we celebrate the holidays as a secular family and we feel it important to not only use Christmas as a time to explore values such as generosity, but also to relish in the delights of wonder and whimsy.

The entire season of the yule is magical-I want my kids to never lose their sense of adventure and delight that surrounds the holidays…even if we are living in a sub-tropical climate 😉

The anticipation of Santa, of seeing reactions of surprise, of sharing new toys, of eating tasty food, and of spending quality time together builds on Christmas Eve.

So without further ado…our top traditions:

1.) We start the day with our awesome breakfast of sweet potato hash while listening to our favorite songs. Mine is Wham’s “Last Christmas” hehe.

2.) Go to the store to get last-minute stuff. Each kiddo gets to choose one item for dinner. Christmas Eve dinner is easy and laissez-faire. It tends to be a hodge-podge of their favorite food!

3.) Track and call Santa Claus!

4.) Take a warm bubble bath, then open their traditional gift of brand-new PJs.

5.) We load up in the car to go scout the best light displays! This year, we are in a new state, so we’ll see what’s in store. Thankfully, it’s also going to be a full moon-extra fun!

6.) When we get back, we drink some hot cocoa, bake some cookies, and watch our favorite Christmas movies which include Home Alone (throwback to MY childhood!), Elf, The Santa Claus, Jingle All the Way, Frozen, Charlie Brown.

7.) One of the more fun activities we do is play a game named after the poem, “Twas the night before Christmas”. Not only is it fun, it’s a ingenious way to develop reading, writing, and theatrical skills!

8.) Lastly, we set out the reindeer and Santa food, as well as our stockings, and call it a night!

While my kids may not believe wholeheartedly that Santa is real, they wholeheartedly believe that the magic of Santa and all that he represents, is real and good. As a mom, their enthusiasm for the holidays is contagious. To me, it confirms all that is good and right in the world, and that is what Christmas means to me.

For an super-duper easy breakfast recipe, click here!  OR:  

“Twas the Night Before Christmas” activity:

• Sit in circle
• Have children get a notebook and pencil, paper and crayons, their favorite puppet, or Christmas PJs.  Have the youngest child begin by reciting, “Twas the night before Christmas in the ______ house”. The child sitting next to him/her completes the sentence by either writing, singing, acting, etc. what THEY want to happen. Keep rotating in the circle until your story is complete! Make sure your family is the focus.

Everyone has a gift to share

 

As we get nearer to Christmas and parents start frantically shopping or ordering online (after all, Amazon has TWO DAY shipping!), it is comforting to be reminded that some of the greatest gifts are those given freely and authentically-everyone has a gift to share.

Your kids don’t really care what they find under the tree come Christmas morning. They won’t remember the multitudes of gifts they even requested! No, they’ll remember YOU and the TIME.

How was it special? How did you all FEEL?

They’ll remember that you tried. That you worked to make the holidays happy. That they made their best friend a one-of-a-kind piece of art. They’ll remember the meal around the table and the family not often seen.

Presents are cool! They ARE! It is a way to say, “hey, I listened to you and want you to enjoy the surprises in life!” But presents don’t have to be only physical gifts. No. The way to raise kids who are generous themselves is to help them develop their inherent gifts by demonstrating how.

Everyone has a gift to share. Arguably, the most important gifts are those that show gratitude and appreciation, that inspire people. Our friendship and time allow for us to help others and lift them.

Have your child show their gratitude for their friends and siblings by giving them the freedom to make or purchase a gift of their own choosing. Inspire your child to help others by volunteering your time at a local event, shelter or drive, even if it’s just an hour.  Cultivate healthy friendships and encourage them in your children’s life by being not only the parent, but a friend too.  And lastly, give your children the gift of your precious time. In a hectic world, it is hard to make time. It is hard to be present and not give presents! When you give your child your time, your well-thought physical gifts are all the more special. You’re giving them the best memories and the best holiday. You’re giving them the knowledge that we all have something to give to our fellow humans, no matter our financial status. But most importantly, you are giving them the real, unfiltered YOU.

 

What do you feel are your best gifts you share with the world? Share in the comments!